A wise woman once said, “no one gets out of life for free.” Despite how wonderful and joyous life can be, every one of us will experience betrayal, pain and loss in one capacity or another.

Someday the man who walked you up the aisle at your dream wedding is going to die. Someday your best friend in the world will do something you don’t like. And someday you may experience a loss that feels unbearable.

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” –Robert Anthony

What separates truly happy people from the “misery loves company” category is taking responsibility for everything that occurs in their lives and pushing hard to live with positivity despite the heartbreaks, failures and stumbles.

You’re not unique. Your problems don’t make you special, they make you like the rest of us who also have problems. We will all encounter this kind of thing because it’s part of life. However, you do have a choice: when life comes knocking, are you going to play the victim, or will you step into the role of warrior and find your joy despite the pain?

Feel the Pain In Order to Return to Happiness

Growth comes when we allow ourselves to feel the highs and lows. When you can embrace your feelings and understand that they’re just that – feelings – you will expand as a human being. Numbing those feelings with food or alcohol won’t help, in fact, you’ll just end up fat with a bad liver. What kind of solution is that? How happy will you be then?

I was distraught when my Mom died. She was everything to me. She was my hero, my guiding light and I felt lost without him. In the days, weeks and months after she left the planet, I had to set aside time to grieve when I would sit in a room by myself and just feel my emotions.

This was not easy. Acknowledging that I was an adult orphan at age 27 sucked! To make it worse, I was pissed off at my Mom for not taking care of herself. Alcohol is not a solution! As I moved past the sadness and anger, I reflected on all the life lessons that he taught me until finally I was able to move forward in a way that I knew would make her proud.

As the years have passed, my memories of my Mom have evolved into only happy ones. This couldn’t have happened if I focused on the sadness of her passing rather than on the joy of her impact on my life.

The Rainbow Doesn’t Just Appear

When the time is right, make a decision to move on. It’s not about faking your emotions, but it’s about realizing that the Universe isn’t out to screw you over.

Baby steps are key. It’s possible that there are some things that you just won’t ever get over, like the death of a loved one. You’ll always miss that person, but you will find a way to operate from a place of understanding and appreciating the natural cycle of life.

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” –Dr. Seuss”

I love this saying! Embrace all the love and joys you have experienced in your life.

Write it Out

Recently I’ve been struggling with a friendship that feels like it’s coming to a slow end. Although we are very good friends, priorities change, and her priorities now make room for other people with more similar spiritual beliefs and interests, and this leaves less time for me. She’s done nothing wrong. She’s done only good. She’s growing and becoming a better version of herself. But it saddens me. I’m starting to notice it.

At first it hurt to realize that the friendship may be running its course. But I journal the things about her for which I am grateful; all the fun times we had together, and some great amazing emotional and experiential gifts she gave me.  We’ve had a lot of fun together and while our time together probably won’t be as robust going forward, we’ll still have time to enjoy each other’s company.

Through writing about it in my journal, I am better able to make sense of what I’m feeling, release the hurt and wish her well through good vibes I sent into the universe. This feels much better than being disappointed in her inability to be the friend I so desperately hoped for. I will always love her and want the best for her in all that life has to offer.

“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.” –Unknown

As the quote states, not every relationship is for a lifetime. Letting go of people that no longer serve you will open up your heart for even more love in the future. The bottom line is that happiness is a choice. It’s totally within your control, and it’s like a muscle that needs to be developed and worked on.

Victims drive their friends and family crazy and push people away. Warriors change the way they look at the world and attract more warriors.

Are you going to be a victim or a warrior?